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Happiness Is a Choice You Make: Lessons from a Year Among the Oldest Old, by John Leland

PDF Download Happiness Is a Choice You Make: Lessons from a Year Among the Oldest Old, by John Leland

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Review

A New York Times Book Review Editor's ChoiceA People magazine "Best New Book"“Inspired and inspiring." ―Jane E. Brody, The New York Times"John Leland’s practical, powerful insights into the rich experiences of the 'oldest old' can guide all of us to lead happier lives―no matter what our age.” ―Gretchen Rubin, author of the New York Times bestseller The Happiness Project"Uplifting and wise." ―AARP The Magazine"An uplifting and inspirational guide on how to be present and embrace life at any age." ―The Asheville Citizen Times"This charming, enlightening, and goodhearted nonfiction study will make you feel a little more grateful for your own life, however long it lasts." ―Sarah Smith, Omnivoracious"Loaded with charm, wisdom, and decades’ worth of personal anecdotes, it explores the 'paradox of old age'and offers a startlingly simple solution: 'If you want to be happy, learn to think like an old person.'" ―Furthermore"Engrossing . . . Few books about aging show such clarity and purpose or so deftly blend clear-eyed examinations of social issues with a realistic but hopeful cast of mind. In this edifying and often quite moving book, Leland presents the "lessons" taught by his subjects even as they themselves are learning them, and he does so with an empathy and thoroughness that deserve our gratitude." ―Kirkus (starred review)"Engaging . . . This is not a record of the daily routines of this diverse socioeconomic group but rather of answers to questions regarding happiness, life, and death. . . Leland entertains and intrigues readers as six unique personalities emerge, sharing their reminiscences about love, heartache, aches and pains, and joy. This is a sympathetic and honest look at growing old." ―Kathleen McBroom, Booklist“Leland skillfully weaves the wisdom gleaned from their experiences into a fascinating chronicle of the joys and difficulties of living into one’s 80s and beyond. . . Leland lends credence to his heartening story of how six seniors have nonetheless made the best of it. He also movingly shows, through his own example, how interacting with those much older than oneself can lead to seeing life in a new light.” ―Publishers Weekly"Leland's book is the perfect blend of characters and essential information.” ―Marilyn Murray Willison, author of The Self-Empowered Woman“Remarkable revelations gleaned from those who, in their superannuated years, have discovered rewarding benefits from the life that actually surrounds them.” ―A. E. Hotchner, author of Hemingway in Love“In her oft-quoted poem ‘The Summer Day,’ Mary Oliver asks, ‘Tell me, what is it you plan to do / with your one wild and precious life?’ In his new book, John Leland offers up one surprising, funny, smart, inspiring answer after another. This book is heart medicine for uncertain times, and assurance that the only resolution that matters is the will to keep going.” ―Veronica Chambers, author of The Go-Between and coauthor of 32 Yolks

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About the Author

John Leland is a reporter at The New York Times, where he wrote a yearlong series that became the basis for Happiness Is a Choice You Make, and the author of two previous books, Hip: The History and Why Kerouac Matters: The Lessons of “On the Road” (They’re Not What You Think). Before joining the Times, he was a senior editor at Newsweek, editor in chief of Details, a reporter at Newsday, and a writer and editor at Spin magazine.

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Product details

Hardcover: 256 pages

Publisher: Sarah Crichton Books (January 23, 2018)

Language: English

ISBN-10: 0374168180

ISBN-13: 978-0374168186

Product Dimensions:

5.8 x 1 x 8.6 inches

Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)

Average Customer Review:

4.2 out of 5 stars

86 customer reviews

Amazon Best Sellers Rank:

#33,751 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

John Leland wrote a well-received newspaper series about "the oldest old," people who are eight-five and up. "Happiness is a Choice You Make" originated from his year-long interaction with six individuals in their eighties and nineties. Some are ill, while others are relatively healthy, if you discount the aches and pains that afflict everyone sooner or later. Ninety-one year old John Sorenson has lived for forty-eight years on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, and still mourns his late partner, Walter. Eighty-seven year old Frederick Jones, who is diabetic and has a weak heart, lives alone in a walk-up (he has difficulty navigating stairs). Helen Moses, ninety, lives in a Bronx nursing home, and is thrilled that her fellow resident, Howie, whom she cares for deeply, is there for her. Ping Wong lives comfortably in a low-rent apartment in Gramercy Park and has a home attendant coming in to assist her. Ninety-one year old Ruth Willig is in an assisted living facility in Brooklyn, New York. Finally, Jonas Mekas, ninety-two, is a filmmaker and writer who is energetic enough to remain independent and active.Although "Happiness is a Choice" is engrossing, timely, and even darkly humorous, the writing could have been sharper, more concise, and less meandering. Still, Leland's work of non-fiction is worth looking at, for several reasons. Since life expectancy has gone up markedly, we should think about what it would be like to be octogenarians and even nonagenarians. How would we ward off loneliness; pay our bills; run a household; keep track of our medications; deal with relatives; cope with our dwindling physical capabilities; and find joy? The author does not sugarcoat the negatives. Some of his interviewees candidly state that they have had it, and are ready to call it quits. However, there are an ample number of upbeat messages here: Live in the moment, but cherish your memories; learn to give and take graciously; and try to adapt to the changes that come with advanced age. To sum up: "We can focus on what we've lost or the life we have now.""Happiness is a Choice You Make" is sometimes painful to read. It reminds us that if we are destined to live for many decades, we may be in for some challenging times, medically and psychologically. Still, it is enlightening to learn from people who have been around long enough to see the big picture. The most successful among the elders engage in pleasurable activities, maintain a certain amount of optimism, and stick with those relationships that are emotionally nurturing. An expert on aging warns that "social isolation kills," so staying involved with friends and loved ones is a key to boosting one's morale and remaining invested in the future.

Happiness is a Choice You Make is the account of a yearlong conversation between a New York Times journalist and six people who are among the “oldest old” in America. The journalist, John Leland, was 57 as of the the time of this writing, and going through his own challenges. He was hoping to learn from these elders, and to share his findings with us. He did both brilliantly.Leland writes with compassion, humor, and incisiveness. I knew I was home when, in the very beginning of the book, his elderly interview subjects answered his questions with platitudes or reminiscing about their youth, but he didn't settle for that. "...I was interested in what their lives were like now...How did they get through the day, and what were their hopes for the morrow? How did they manage...Was there a threshold at which life was no longer worth living?" He also writes with humor which leavens the weight of the topic.This was my main takeaway: It seems regular old people, not heroes or geniuses, but just everyday elders, might come to some ways of being that are essential for a good end of days (and might enhance our younger years as well.) What they know looks simple on the outside, but there’s an underlying complexity that takes a lifetime to develop and that the elders may not even sense they have. To them, it’s just life.Random highlights:--Leland writes, “Old age is a concept largely defined by people who have never lived it.” In other words, youth sees age-related decline and either recoils in horror/grief or conjures mythic fallacies to explain it. Yet Lelend, reporting back from the foreign land of the ultra-aged, says it's neither. It’s just a development. You work around it and keep living. No big deal.--The olders aren’t really wise. They’re just so experienced at adaptation that they do it without thinking, which is actually sheer genius. If we youngers weren’t so busy celebrating 90-year-old marathoners and other such freaks of nature, we’d notice the greater lessons available from and for more average humans.--The way elders see themselves holds the key to peace about what we fear in aging. For example: “...all (of the olders) seemed to redraw the line between what was acceptable and what was too much, pushing it just past their level of disability. Health problems that looked devastating to me looked to them like a part of life’s progress after 85--what was truly bad was always a step down the road.”--Another example: We look at a widow and think, how horrible that she has to live every day knowing her husband is gone. But olders, while they may relive grief, spend more time remembering the good. And how often have we heard that memories from our early lives stay with us more clearly than the newer ones? What a blessing!--Another: youth might draw back in horror at the short time horizon elders know they have, but for elders, this shortened horizon enriches the enjoyment of the now. For youth, who may have a sprawling 50 years to live, they wonder which paths to take, how best to maximize their work, etc. They're tormented at every turn by critical decisions. In contrast, for elders, their time limitation serves as a tightly bundled blanket; comforting in a weird way. They don’t have to worry about moving to Los Angeles or freezing their eggs. They have only to maximize today.--Another: lack of a mate might seem like a relief rather than a tragedy. “I can serve my own needs; I don’t have to worry about or wait on anybody else. I have long blocks of time in which I can just think, or whatever.”--Another: loneliness, like grief, regret, or frustration, comes and goes. It doesn’t define them. And rather than feel lonely, some decline may occur in the desire or need to socialize. I'm generalizing, but that seems like it would be a relief.These are random observations from the book. If I tried to highlight all the passages I found profound or valuable, it’d be pages and pages long. I highly recommend this book.

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